Category Archives: Humor

Non-talking Parrot

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Dayle with our parrot

Dayle with our parrot

Everyone loves talking parrot stories. We never had a talking parrot, but we had something better. He was a Senegal Green to whom we never gave a name. With his specialty in noises, he drove us crazy while sitting in a cage on our front porch next to the front door of our place in Ouagadougou.

The front door included auto-closing screen doors which made a distinctive slap-clack when someone went through them. That parrot would randomly make exactly that sound. Thinking that someone had walked in unannounced, we would rush to the front door in concern, only to find no one there but the parrot.

The yard was walled as is typical in Ouagadougou. Someone needed to open the gate to let a car in. We would often honk if we knew someone was home to come open the gate. You guessed it; that parrot would make the sound of our car driving up and the exact sound of our horn honking. We would make a frustratingly useless run to the gate.

Senegal green parrot in the wild

Senegal green parrot in the wild

We had two dogs. When we feed them at night, one would eat quickly and then try to eat the food of the other. Occasionally, this would result in a dogfight. Dayle told me that the parrot could imitate that. I thought that was exaggerated. Then after we took the dog food out one evening, a hear a fight starting – snapping, snarling, growling, the whole deal. So I went out to find the dogs eating calmly, and the parrot putting on a great performance.

A talking parrot would have been amusing. What this parrot did was annoying, although it did become amusing five years later.

Hackles up

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Years ago in southwestern Burkina Faso, I was walking down a path near some houses when a little puppy came out, having heard us passing by. He looked to be only 10-12 weeks old. At that age they are cute, and this one was no exception.

I was not taken by his cuteness, but rather by the fact that his hackles were up, his snout was twisted into a no-nonsense snarl accompanied by a genuine adult growls and snaps. It was really quite comical, except I did think that he might try to put those needle-like puppy teeth into me. Also, rabies is not uncommon in that area.

His owner came out and shooed him off. So I asked about the bizarre behavior. Strangeness was not limited to the puppy’s antics. I learned that a few weeks earlier, the puppy had run out to bark at a passing moped on that same path, become entangled in its chain and had his abdomen ripped open. His inventive owner scooped him up with this intestines protruding and took him down to the local shoe repairman (there was no veterinarian) who sowed him up. In a recovery worthy of the most outrageous come-from-behind win in sports, the little guy recovered.

But, explained the man whose scandalously inspired action had saved the puppy’s life, now it attacks anything that comes down that path. Understandable. I never returned which was probably a good thing. I did not want my passing by there to again raise those hackles when the canine features under them possessed full adult capabilities.

New Meanings

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A few months ago I was aghast at a sacrilege committed on Facebook. Someone had posted a photo that was too good to be true. A lady asked the question: “Has it been shopped?”

For those of you who do not know, Photoshop is a popular photo editing program. To say that a photo has been “photoshopped” is to say that it has been altered. But this woman had reduced “photoshopped” to “shopped”.

Perhaps the retail world is still reeling from the shock of having a woman used the verb “shop” with the wrong meaning! I mean, what is this world coming to? Ladies everywhere should be rising up in protest or protect the purity of that word!

The thing is, words change meaning all the time, sometimes quite radically and occasionally in a short space of time. Will “shopped” become standard for altering photos? Is it slang that is here to stay? In spite of all the effort that our brave English teachers put into nailing English down, it just keeps slipping around. But they are not to blame. It is in the nature of language to change. Every language changes.

So new translations of the Bible are needed. It was completely understandable in the days of King James to talk about “the quick and the dead”, whereas now that phrase conjures images of the success and failure of pedestrians dealing with streets busy with cars.

Just about the time the beleaguered translator thinks he is done, the people speaking the language go and change the meanings of some of the words. Here in Ghana, the Bible Society has just published revisions of two translations first done in the mid 1800s, in the Twi and the Ewe languages. At least one of them had been revised at least once before.

If you liked this, you might also like No Hard Knocks, Stools and Skins or Teach them English.

Trash talk

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Any translation is difficult. Translating a book written for one culture into a very different culture; doubly so, and translating an ancient book; quadruply difficult. So translating the Bible is not an easy task. Sometimes people ask, “What is the most accurate translation?” There is no answer to that question because there are different kinds of accuracy.

That thought came home to me a few weeks ago when I read a passage in the book of Numbers. Here it is in the English Standard Version:

6 And Joshua the son of Nun and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had spied out the land, tore their clothes 7 and said to all the congregation of the people of Israel, “The land, which we passed through to spy it out, is an exceedingly good land. 8 If the Lord delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey. 9 Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their protection is removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them.” (Numbers 14:6-9 ESV, emphasis mine)

The phrase that jumped out at me was: “for they are bread for us”. Let’s remember the events transpiring when Joshua and Kaleb said, “they will be food for us”. The Israelites had left Egypt and trekked to the land god had promised them. Just outside that land, they sent in spies. The spies came back with a discouraging report – while the land was good, the cities were well defended and the inhabitants were “giants”. The spies recommended against invading – all except Joshua and Kaleb. They do not deny the facts, but argue that God will help them overcome the difficulties. In effect, they make a motivation speech; trying to change the prevailing opinion. They start by tearing their clothes -  a sign of great distress.

The phrase “they will be food for us” stuck me because I had just read a news article about the book by Jan Brewer, the governor of Arizona, Scorpions for Breakfast. The title comes from a Chuck Norris blog about Brewer where he said that she “is so tough she eats scorpions for breakfast and flosses with barbed wire”.

The translation “they are bread for us” is accurate in terms of meaning. That is exactly what the original text says. But, is it accurate in terms of its purpose and impact? In the passage, Joshua and Caleb are giving a motivational speech. They use all their rhetorical powers to turn the tide. But no modern English-speaking politician or motivational speaker would say “they will be bread for us” in the hopes of getting the audience to do something scary and difficult. Is a translation accurate when a phrase that was obviously intended to be motivational comes out flat in the translation?

On the other hand, “We’ll eat them for breakfast” or “We’ll have them for lunch” are exactly the kind of phrase that would be said in such circumstances. Interestingly, Eugene Peterson translates the phrase ” Why, we’ll have them for lunch!”. If Joshua and Caleb had written a book, maybe they would have entitled it “Giants for Breakfast”.

Pray for Bible translators. They need to digest exotic languages for breakfast.

If you liked this, you might also like No Hard Knocks or Translating Obsolete Measures.

Advice from Ghana Taxi Windows

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Ghanaians love to put interesting sayings on their vehicles and shops. Often they are quotes from the Bible and, almost as often, quotes of traditional sayings, some of which sound like they might come from the Bible, like “God’s time is best”.

A number offer advice to the reader. These are often found on taxi windows. Another feature of Ghana is that Ghanaians are not embarrassed to write the signs in their own languages. Taxi windows are as likely to carry words in the Twi or Ewe (pronounced Aye-Vay) languages as they are to display English. Most of the advice is pretty good.

We’ll start on the main road from Kumasi to Accra, where I found this taxi offering advice in the Twi language. Literally it means “Think about yourself”. The meaning is something like “Don’t put your nose in other peoples’ business”, “Mind your own business” or “Don’t Meddle”.
My next example comes from the streets of Accra. This taxi driver is also offering advice in the Twi language. We are told to “Let it go”, meaning that when someone does something bad to you, then let it go. In other words, forgive them. “Let it go” is an interesting idiom for the concept of forgiveness. It is important that we do not assume that the English and Twi idioms have exactly the same meaning. That considered, the hard part of forgiveness is often to “let it go”, that is, not keep dwelling on the matter, running it over and over in our heads.

Next we have a taxi on a road in the beautiful highlands of Eastern region. This time we have advice in English. Apparently, gossiping is not something confined to any one culture or age. We are warned about it in parts of the Bible written 2,000 years ago. This taxi driver seems to think that the advice is as relevant for contemporary Ghanaian society as it was then.

One day, I walked out the gate and found this taxi beside the road. The driver was grabbing a bite to eat from the roadside food stand. I commented on his advice. He brightened up. According to him, we need to be humble because even Jesus Christ was humble. I suppose that he had read the second chapter of the book of Philippians. About an hour later, he came driving past me as I was finishing my walk. He leaned out the window, smiled and yelled, “Be humble!”

These photos were originally posted on my Facebook feed. If you liked this, you might also like Festooned with Signs, God’s Time is Best. or Shame.

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Cufflinks in Kete-Krachi

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GILLBT 50th Anniversary cloth

GILLBT 50th Anniversary cloth

The Ghanaian organization Dayle and I work with is celebrating its 50th anniversary. As in many African countries, on such occasions an organization will have special cloth made and sell it. I explain that more in my blog on [get title and reference]. Anyway, here is the 50th anniversary cloth. Of course, along with other staff Dayle and I enthusiastically had outfits made of the cloth.

GILLBT board chair in his 50th Anniversay celebration cloth

GILLBT board chair in his 50th Anniversay celebration cloth

I was pondering what to have made – a long sleeved shirt, short sleeved, or something else when I saw the chairman of the board in his outfit (see photo). Then a couple days later at church I saw a man in something with different cloth but the same design, but his had cufflinks. I could not remember ever seeing cufflinks on that kind of outfit. But over the next few days I saw several. I had not worn cufflinks for years, so I decided that I would do it. We found a tailor (they are not expensive here), and commissioned my outfit. The tailor himself was wearing an outfit in the same style, also with cufflinks. We found a set of inexpensive cufflinks and I was ready to go.

My next trip was to the town of Kete-Krachi near Lake Volta. We left very early in the morning and did not arrive until after dark. The last 60 miles or so were on a very bad, dirt road. We bumped and jostled our way there at about 25 miles per hour. It seemed interminable. Anything but a serious 4×4 would be beaten to death in no time on that road. We were there for the dedication of the very first Scripture ever published in the Kaakye language – the Gospel of Mark. Of course, I took my new outfit, and all my colleagues would be wearing their anniversary cloth too. The next day I was getting dressed for the event when I discovered that I had made a serious mistake. I had forgotten the cufflinks!

Shop in Kete-Krachi where I bought cuflinks

Shop in Kete-Krachi where I bought cuflinks

Kete-Krachi is a smaller town with not much of a shopping district. I thought that I would have to wear something else and all of my colleagues would be in their 50th anniversary cloth. No one in the delegation had a pair of cufflinks with them, nor did any of the Kaakye translators, with whom we had breakfast. On a lark, we drove down the main road glancing at the shops. There weren’t many and it would not take long. My colleague, Naana Nkrumah, said “Stop! Stop! That one!” I got out and walked over to the little shop to see a glass and wood display box in which were placed about 20 pairs of cufflinks! Not only would I get cufflinks, I would have to spend a little time choosing among various designs. I bought a pair for about $3, was rescued from my error, and was able to celebrate the event in the proper attire.

Cufflinks in Kete-Krachi — who would have guessed.

Yugu-yugu

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Young men selling used Broni-wewu shoes in a market the town of Tamale, northern Ghana

Young men selling used Broni-wewu shoes in a market the town of Tamale, northern Ghana

In the markets in Africa one finds all kinds of wonderful used clothes. They can be nicely arranged, or just in a pile that you paw through. There is everything, shoes,  underwear, shirts, blouses, coats, sweaters, lingerie, anything. The clothes arrive in bales at the ports where they are purchased by merchants who transport them into the most remote village for sale.

From these piles of clothes, called yugu-yugu in Burkina Faso, we clothed our children with high-quality brands like Oshgosh B’gosh in pristine condition at a small fraction of the original cost. Of course, sometimes people buy things and wear them without knowing what they are, which can create some humorous relief for us. I saw a small, frail, elderly woman selling peanuts by the road while wearing an Incredible Hulk tee-shirt.

Because the clothes are known to come from the lands of white people and because they are in such good condition that people could not imagine a living person getting rid of them, they are called “broni wewu” which literally means “dead white man/woman” in the Twi language of Ghana.

Introductions

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Ghana and Ghana in Africa

Ghana in Africa

I have been told that a study conducted in the United States found that one of the most frequent reasons given for not attending church is the fear of being asked to stand and be recognized.

If you come to Ghana and go to church, you might be asked to stand. What’s more, you might even be invited to go to the front and say something.

That’s what happened at a church I attended in Tamale. Along with other visitors, I went to the front, faced the congregation, where I was invited to explain who I was and why I was in their town.

Unity Presbyterian Church, Tamale

Unity Presbyterian Church, Tamale

Mortifying? Well, a bit uncomfortable. The others introducing themselves were Ghanaian. They seemed to welcome the opportunity. The congregation looked interested in their stories and the greetings they brought from churches in other parts of Ghana. I was seeing the “church” as a nation-wide, even international, community of believers.

If that study were done here, it might show that people prefer to visit a church where they will be asked to stand and say something.

New cedis and old cedis

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2000 old cedis (2001) - then worth a few dollars

2000 old cedis (2001) – then worth a few dollars

A few years ago, the Ghana money – the cedi – experienced very high inflation, driving prices of ordinary things into the 1 million cedi range. So new money was introduced, with the same name. They lopped off four zeros. So 10,000 old cedis equaled one new cedi. All the old cedis were exchanged for new.

But a lot of Ghanaians still give prices in old cedis because that is what they know best. A long  time ago, a similar thing happened in France with the French Franc and many French people kept giving prices in old francs for quite a few years.

Two new Cedis

Two new Cedis – a little more than one dollar

But for me it is confusing. I am trying to develop the ability to divide by 10,000 and multiply by 10,000 quickly in my head, while carrying on a conversation and at the same time converting the new cedis to dollars, in my head, by dividing by 1.7. I’m too old for this! I do have one conversion down pat: 1,000,000 old cedis is 100 new, which is about 60 dollars.

One Sunday at announcement time in church, the man making an announcement about money, gave it in new cedis, but people wanted the amount in old cedis. So he tried to do the conversion in his head on the spot. He gave a number. That was wrong and the congregation let him know. So he revised the figure. Wrong again and again he was informed of that fact. We went round and round until everyone was thoroughly confused, not least of all the man giving the announcement. The figure he was trying to communicate was the amount for the church’s annual fund-raising drive!

And so it was that I discovered a negative effect of high inflation which is not discussed in economics textbooks.

Five new cedis

Five new cedis – about $3

Wrong kind of kid in school

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Demolished school

Demolished school

I walk by several times a week, and one day it was demolished! And the rubble was just left piled everywhere. A short section of wall was still standing. On it was the painted primary school decorations and teaching tools, now showing incongruously for all to see.

There has to be a story behind a scene like this, so I asked. The man who ran the school had built it on someone else’s land.  The when he refused to vacate, the land owner took him to court. The court issued a judgment in favor of the land owner and ordered the school closed. But the man running the school ignored the court order and kept the school open. Negotiations failed. So, one day when the school was not in session, the land owner brought a bulldozer and the police, and they knocked down the buildings.

Kid (goat) in demolished school

Kid (goat) in demolished school

However, there are still kids in this school, just the other kind.

I never thought much about the kinds of systems and organizations a country needs. This story is about weak systems in Ghana that regulate land. Without those systems, real estate agents are self-appointed and some of them are crooks who will not hesitate to sell you a piece of land, or a building, that belongs to someone else. It happens all the time.

I suspect that the man who “owned” the school thought that he owned the land, only to find out that his title was junk. At first glance the situation was surprising and humorous. On another, it is a tragedy.  On yet another, it is a story of a country where land used to belong to everyone and its use was regulated by the chief, but which has been and still is moving to a different system and there are lots of bumps along that road. It makes me glad to have grown up in a place with pretty good systems for such things, and it gives me empathy for the Ghanaians trying to buy a piece of land.